I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
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