now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
