hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We are all done wearing pants today
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
