I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Randomize
