If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
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Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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