Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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