New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
