rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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