so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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