Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
