Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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