christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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