My cat gives me a boner
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
