So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize