So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
