I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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