there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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