Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
