i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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