i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I need moral support for this bender
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
