need another drink. this is the easiest way
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
