I want to make a zoo with you.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
