Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
