Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
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I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
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I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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