i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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