I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We had to coat check the pizza.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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