It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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