I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
