Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
