i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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