My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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