There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
