So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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