Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
