he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
