You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
