did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So squirting runs in the family.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
