I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize