Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
