He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
