There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
