I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
