Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
