When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
3 2 1 whiskey
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
