just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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