I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
