i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
