I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
