I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She announced her abortion via fbk
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
