What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I need moral support for this bender
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
