therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
COCAINE IS GR8
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
