I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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