Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize