I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
