Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
