Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
