it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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