Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
