the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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