thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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