there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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