Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
