I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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