the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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