I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
