I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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