Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
