sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
